The Promise That Was Never Put in Writing

13 hours ago

4 min read

It might have been said over a Sunday roast, during a walk around the garden or while helping Mum put the shopping away. "Don't worry, love, this house will be yours one day."

Perhaps it was a treasured piece of jewellery, a sum of money or the family business. Whatever the subject, the promise was made with affection, received with gratitude and remembered for years afterwards.

Nobody thought to write it down. Why would they? It was a conversation between people who loved and trusted one another, and putting something in writing might have seemed unnecessarily formal, almost as though somebody was questioning the sincerity of the promise.

Years later, however, circumstances can look very different. The person who made the promise has died, the Will says something else, and somebody is left wondering how something they believed was settled could have changed so completely.

A promise can become part of somebody's future

Imagine a daughter who has spent years helping her widowed father maintain his home. She lives nearby, calls in most evenings and takes care of the jobs that become more difficult as he grows older. One afternoon, while looking out over the garden, he tells her that he wants her to have the house when he's gone.

It is a generous and heartfelt sentiment. She doesn't ask for anything in writing, and he doesn't think to update his Will. Perhaps he assumes that what he has said will be enough, or perhaps he simply hasn't considered how his other children might feel.

Over the following years, his daughter begins to think of the house as part of her future. She may even make decisions influenced by that understanding, turning down an opportunity to move elsewhere or spending her own money improving the property.

Then her father dies, leaving a Will that divides everything equally between his three children.

Her siblings may be completely unaware of the conversation. They might reasonably believe that their father's written instructions reflect his wishes. The daughter, meanwhile, feels that a promise has been broken, and that the sacrifices she made have gone unrecognised.

Three people who loved the same man can suddenly find themselves on opposite sides of a painful disagreement.

The difference between a promise and a legal entitlement

In England and Wales, a promise about a future inheritance does not ordinarily override the terms of a valid Will simply because it was sincerely made. The law places considerable importance on the formal requirements for making and changing Wills, precisely because there needs to be reliable evidence of what somebody intended.

There are, however, circumstances in which a promise concerning property can have legal consequences. A principle known as proprietary estoppel may sometimes apply where someone has received a sufficiently clear assurance, reasonably relied upon it and suffered a disadvantage as a result, such that it would be unconscionable for the assurance to be disregarded.

These cases are rarely straightforward. They depend heavily on the particular facts, and even a successful claim does not necessarily result in the claimant receiving everything they were promised. The courts must consider what remedy is appropriate.

For the family involved, that can mean considerable uncertainty, legal expense and emotional strain, often at a time when everyone is already dealing with bereavement.

A promise made with love can still become a source of heartbreak if nobody makes sure it can be honoured.

When good intentions collide

Not every disagreement involves a house or a substantial inheritance. Sometimes the object itself has relatively little financial value.

A grandfather might promise his watch to one grandson, forgetting that another has always admired it. A mother might tell her daughter that she can have a particular piece of furniture, without appreciating that her son associates it with some of his happiest childhood memories.

What makes these disagreements difficult is that the object often represents something much larger. It can become a symbol of affection, recognition or the belief that somebody held a special place in the deceased person's life.

That is why apparently minor inheritance disputes can become so emotionally charged. The argument may appear to be about a watch, a painting or a piece of furniture, but underneath it can be about whether somebody feels remembered, valued or overlooked.

Making sure intentions survive

The simplest way to avoid these difficulties is to recognise when an informal promise has become something more significant.

If you genuinely intend somebody to receive a particular asset, it is sensible to consider how that intention should be reflected in your estate planning.

Depending on the circumstances, this might involve a specific gift in your Will, an appropriate lifetime arrangement or a more carefully structured provision.

It is equally important to revisit those decisions. A promise made twenty years ago may no longer be practical, especially if your financial circumstances, family relationships or personal needs have changed.

Where family members are relying on an assurance, particularly if they are making significant financial or personal sacrifices because of it, specialist legal advice can help everyone understand the position before a problem develops.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to reassure the people we love. Indeed, those small, generous promises are often part of what makes family relationships so meaningful.

But when a promise concerns something important, taking the trouble to make proper arrangements is not an expression of distrust. It is a way of ensuring that the kindness behind the promise is not lost in the confusion that follows.

After all, the most meaningful promises are not simply the ones we make. They are the ones we make it possible to keep.